Why Can't I Create a Loving Relationship?
REJECTION - INSTEAD OF WELCOME
By James Stellar
The repetition of the question - why can't I create a loving relationship, has to do with a loving relationship with yourself. This keeps coming up in queries and questions from many Spirit Nature Friends about not finding a Loving Connection, but in fact finding the opposite.
So let’s look at some of the factors that go into creating a density in the Spiritual Physical Universe where rejection replaces validation.
First and foremost, are you a welcoming person or are you a rejecting personality? Most individuals say, “Well, yes absolutely, I'm a welcoming person,” and hopefully this is true for many people.
However, even though you may see someone smile, you only have to listen for a very short time to understand how rejecting they may be. Unfortunately, the most competitive, insecure and pain-filled of individuals will vibrate in some of the more rejecting of frequencies. Rejection stems from pain and for most rejecting individuals they are simply stating that they want others to feel their pain, which may be an entire lifetime or lifetimes’ worth.
How to spot rejection:
1. If you hear someone constantly use the word "but" then it is a signal to you that they are vibrating in a much greater density forming rejection rather than welcome. If they're altering the connection through a consistent rebuttal and not wanting to accept what is said then it is an integral part of their makeup to reject. Many people may ask for advice, then simply reject with the word "but" making excuses and justifications for their behavior. This is a sign that the individual really isn't looking to change, but only wants their situation to change or more amusingly you to change.
2. If there is always a questioning or criticism - as in a judgment that is diminishing, devaluing, or a competitive negation of you or a rejection of your sharing of events or expressions and what you know, then the welcome mat has definitely been replaced with the rejection hammer. Many times people will say a positive, but add on a negative statement so that their comment really is an invalidation.
3. If they only want to focus to themselves or don't want to share anything other than what they are doing and ask very few questions about you, then once again there is a rejection rather than validation for a shared connection.
4. If they consistently focus to negatives or what's wrong with life or what things they don't have or what's wrong with themselves or what's wrong with others, this is rejection rather than welcome. "I can't, I won't, I couldn't, you just don't understand, I know I know, what would people think, it's impossible, it's not fair, I don't, I could never, everyone else is doing it, no I won't, it's everyone else's fault and NO!"
5. If they are reluctant to share, remain silent or unwilling to participate then rejection is happening, but only through a silent rejection, which often may be fused with immense resentment and rage.
6. If they believe their intellect is superior or they say, "You're crazy" - then you may want to be careful because intellect is not wisdom nor is it necessarily very welcoming.
7. The competitively rejecting personality is one who is always trying to gain an "advantage" over you and prove they are better, or prove there is something wrong with you, or blame you, as they want to control the external world they frequent. They want to prove they are right and you are obviously wrong or what you are doing is wrong or you just don't get it. This is an extremely rejecting personality.
8. If you come from a competitive or contentious family, then you will have to work on spiritually altering your frequency to a much higher vibration of welcome to begin to see yourself distinct from that vibration in a much more loving way and to start to attract to you much more loving people.
9. Unfortunately rejection is just as binding as being in a vibration of welcome, but completely pain filled. Rejection has reached epidemic proportions and the Arrogance of Pain has meant that the analytic mind has been taken over by numerous controls meaning rejection is a common and very unfortunate practice.
Your words and thoughts have to be altered into a less critical focus, as somewhere in you is a great deal of pain and pain-filled controls to remain in that pain, which comes out as rejection of others, when spiritually it is a rejection of yourself. This leaves little room for Loving Connection and in the end it is a sad heart that will continue on lifetime after lifetime until there is a willingness to heal.
10. In understanding rejection over the vibration of Loving Connection, it's important to listen to yourself and listen to others, to let go of pain and the competitive insecurity that you are not good enough and want others to feel your pain.
8 Steps to Change
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Don't blame others.
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Don't prove or fight to be right.
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Don't pretend or perform.
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Don't justify or make excuses.
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Don't think you know much of anything - you really don't in the scheme of the universe and that's totally ok.
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Don't stay in the process of being with a rejecting personality.
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Don't stay in proximity of a rejecting personality.
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When you see rejection - use it as a gift on how you can change into welcome.
You are fine right where you're at, which means you're simply ok with being in the moment. You are truly safe being in the present and being welcoming is a much higher vibration to living life. When you're ok with yourself it's easier to be in grace as a welcoming person creating a Loving Connection.
FROM A SPIRIT NATURE FRIEND COMES THE FOLLOWING:
I am grateful for a lot of the changes that I have made in my personal life with the help of Spirit Nature, but when I look at my professional life, a lot of the same patterns keep showing up, even when the context changes.
With the lines of life and work blurring, I am aware that the patterns that are showing up in my professional life are important, they affect how I feel and they are not to be ignored. These patterns are a manifestation of how I truly feel and view myself. They showcase some of the areas I have yet to heal.
In my most recent session with James, we explored this topic and by the end of the session, I made a new recognition. A recognition that was a very sobering one that felt strange and difficult to say out loud. That recognition is, "I am addicted to failure."
That statement feels very foreign based on the world I thought I was operating in. I am hardworking, dedicated and always eager to climb the ranks. I have had many different careers and I have pursued passions as an entrepreneur. I have taken many risks. Based on that, I would have assumed that I was addicted to success and not failure.
FAILURE IN MY HEART
As we dug deeper into my patterns, I was able to validate that I am willing to be vulnerable and courageous by showing up and taking risks, but I show up with failure in my Heart and in my mind. I make every job or venture greater than me, I seek validation from bosses, customers, and external sources. I think I need to be the smartest person in the room to earn my seat. When it comes down to it, I simply do not think that I am enough.
When I show up to something new, I have arrived with unspoken expectations. I have not given myself the freedom to create. When things fall outside of those expectations, I do not appreciate the journey. I am fixated on criticizing every step I have taken along the path.
One question that still lingers with me is, how did I become addicted? I ask myself, am I a negative person or am I a product of societal conditioning where there must be absolutes, either you succeed or fail, there is no in-between.
LACK OF VALIDATION
I have a joke with James that every time I don't know the answer, I blame it on my father. That connection and conditioning have been a great source of the pain I have been healing with James. All kidding aside, I know that my father is not directly the answer here, but I do know that the lack of validation I have for myself is causing this anguish. I have a desire to compete and to perfect and I fear to create for my own pleasure. These feelings within me have me looping and repeating these patterns over and over again.
I know the antidote is loving myself, believing that I am enough, embracing my gifts and showing up for the journey never for the destination. I look forward to staying on the journey of Spirit Nature to reprogram these feelings and beliefs and to give myself Permission to succeed simply for showing up.
