S P I R I T
N A T U R E
Umit and Her Creations
Umit is actively creating beautiful oil paintings with new found permission valuing herself and her creations.
She is also an accomplished author of a cookbook on Medittaranean foods, teaches bellydancing and is currently writing about her journey from Turkey to the United States.
Oil painting by Umit of wildflowers
Oil painting by Umit of her Garden
Oil painting by Umit of a tropical seascape
Oil painting by Umit of the Monterrey coastline
More words from Umit...
Here, I am in 2007 having made a lot of changes in my universe. When I fist started working with James in December 2001 everything which he was telling me was so new and unfamilar to me. Nothing he told me made any sense to me but he is such a patient man full of grace and inner kindness to himself and others that he waited for me to digest the information he was giving me. He kept telling me all the facts about me over and over even though I was rejecting them and blaming others instead. I always escaped from looking at myself because it was so scary and nasty. I preferred fighting, competing or blaming because it was easier for me to do these familiar things than trying something completely new. My mind did not have any reference point for this new way of living. James was telling me that there is another way of living full of grace, inner kindness, affinity, joy, fun and creativity and this kind of living is so simple but my corrupted mind could not accept that nothing could be so easy without any effort. I had programing created by my thoughtforms and old beliefs which was telling me to get what I want by putting a lot of efforts, fighting, and competing with others. I did not know any other way so James’s words were not sinking inside me much at the beginning. I rejected his words and kept the old programing, holding on so tightly from life time to life time even though deep inside there was something wrong and I was missing something big.
Finally, I decided to take my responsibility and look into myself. The more I looked, I could see myself clearly and see how much harm I have been giving myself. I accept the fact that I am a warrior, I do nasy things, I compete with myself and others because I feel that I need to prove myself. I believe that I am not worthy. I believe that females are worthless. I believe that males are more powerful than females so I have to act like a male and operate male energy in my female body. I have to fight for my ego, for being alive or protecting myself against attacks from others. I am also so nosey and curious with others lives that I waste my energy and time wanting to control them. I waste time illusion healing or trying to change others instead of accepting the fact that I only can change myself. I do not take my own responsibility but I give all my seniority to others to take care of me, take my own responsibilities or fix me so that I can fight or compete more. I play the role of either a male warrior or a powerless and victimized female. There is a lot of self destruction, self war, self punishment in my universe other than inner kindness and affinity to myself. What a harsh reality to live with! With this reality of course, I will have a life full of pain, punishment and destruction and miss the beauty of living every moment of life with wonderment, excitement and joy. Acceptance is the first step to heal myself so I am ready to accept who I am now and ready to recreate who I would like to be.
Even though all the facts about me are so frightening I have committed to change myself from being destructive and controlling to a creative and loving female creator with James’s assistance. I am getting happier with myself each day which makes me so excited about my life now and gives me hope for my future years. I am stepping out of my comfort zone and going back to my homeland to challenge myself to live with the new information I have now. My family, my friends and others living in that culture will be surprised at all the changes I have had after working with James since 2001 but I will be ok as long as I am true to myself.
I can easily tell all other friends who share the journey with me that this kind of self exploration is so meaningful and so precious. When you have someone who can hold your hand and who can understand your pain well like James, it is easier and more fun.
I cry, I get angry, I laugh, I scream with fear; experience a lot of emotions during my sessions with James and I also get new information which will guide me to the light and love. What a wonderful treat and gift being offered to me!
Thank you very much, James!
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