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Jim and His Creations

Jim is a skilled pilot, and a wonderful writer and has written many essays under the thematic title of "Captain's Log" on his spiritual path.

Here are just a few.

7/28/2006

Before the first wind blew,

You were.

Your present mother is yet another folding and kneading

Of the bread dough that is you,

A little more texture added.

The dough itself goes back millenniums.

You can almost touch, almost remember,

The narrow stairways cut from stone,

Your hands skim the white Mediterranean stone walls

As if you could receive their memory of you.

Reflections of you shimmer from every century and shore,

Like the shimmering reflection of sun on water.

Your present life is nothing more than another reflection.

Enticed and immersed, you soon forget.

Turn to the sun and the illusion disappears,

Turn back towards the reflection and

Laugh,

Laugh that you had ever forgotten and lost yourself

Again.

5/15/2006

“Let’s make these last twenty years count!”

Twenty years left.  I‘m fifty.  It will soon be over.  So much for this lifetime.  Nothing extra-ordinary.  It’s too late to do anything about it – you are too old.  Your energy and your best years are behind you. 

            “You have twenty years left – Make them count!”.

Yea, yea, yea…   I can’t make them count.  Lots of reasons why.

Why I can’t:

1. I have no real talent.  I’m average at most things, below at some.
2. I’m broke – my monetary reserves (debt) aren’t anything to create anything out of
3. I’m tired. Pooped.  I want to rest.  And it will just get more so the older I get.
4. And why jeopardize any security I might have been able to built on some crazy dreams when you will need the security to lean back on later when you are older?
5. The burden of impending old age hangs heavily upon me.
6. Have you ever imagined that you are at the end of your life looking back and regretting not having done more?  Well it is easy at the end of your life, you don’t have to worry what will happen to you – you already know –you are already finished.
7. I don’t have an irrepressible zeal to run through life like an excited puppy with limitless energy and get to the end and say

 “Well, wasn’t that a wonderful trip!”  

No, I’m a plodder, a plotter, a worrier.  I conserve my limited energy. 

(Boy, does Uncle Dick and Mom come through on this one!).

1. I’m worried, I’m worried, I’m worried. What will happen to me? What happens if I jump and land hard and break a leg? That would be worse than now –better not.
2. What the fuck does “Making them (the remaining years) count” mean?  Who is dong the judging as to what counts?  To a bodybuilder it’s bulking up twenty percent more.

 I’d laugh at that. 

To me it is some kind of spiritual advancement (whatever the fuck THAT is).  The bodybuilder would laugh at that. 

To Neal Walsh, the “Conversations with God” guy, it’s “The highest version of the highest vision you have ever had for yourself”.  Shit.  Doesn’t THAT sound like a struggle?  Oh joy.   Or “God” says you have worth just because of your experiences, no matter what they are.

 It’s like in the big picture, in the grand scheme of things, the reason we are all here is that there is like some big vacuum in the center of everything sucking everything in from every direction, assimilating the experiences of billions upon billions of experiencer units. 

Oh, and lets not forget all those non-physical levels in between too.

Ah the hell with it, it’s too much, it’s impossible. Chuck it all.

Suddenly I can see myself sanding in the warm Mediterranean sun, see the sun on the side of my face, my face set with the sudden decision to chuck everything. To hell with whatever anybody else ever thought – from the beginning of time and from the simplest of fools to the most sublime philosophies and institutions – fuck them all, I’m not having any of it.

I sit on a rock and bring salty cheese atop local bread with a crisp crust to my mouth and savor the flavor as I look out over the sea.  I have never tasted like this before.   The sun is all encompassing here…

And suddenly I feel and see the electrons and energy whiz and fly around me and vibrate through and from within me and feel the joy of feeling it and knowing it and being it.  And there is nothing else to do, just be.  There is nothing to be done.  This vibrational state, this awareness of my being where all separations of myself from myself are collapsed, asks for nothing.

And these are, at last, years that count because they are beyond counting, beyond reference, beyond judgment, beyond enough/not enough, they are already inside, into and within the simple extra ordinary joy of being.

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e-mail: james@spiritnature.com

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